Do you really need to know?

I am finding that being pregnant is kind of like being a traveling circus. Every time I am out in public, I get stared at like I have snot running down my face. People are completely infatuated with pregnant women!

The stares first became unavoidably obvious a couple of weeks ago when Chris and I met for lunch. When we were leaving the restaurant, almost every single head turned and all eyes focused on my belly like I was the latest lunch time entertainment act. As soon as we got out the door, Chris said something along the lines of "didn't that make you want to scream?". uhm - yes.

As of lately, I have decided to make a shirt that reads "It's a girl. I'm due April 2nd. Yes, we're excited." and I will wear this shirt religiously every time I go someplace where I anticipate a line or a gathering of strangers.

Though this may work for the most commonly asked questions, it certainly won't suffice for the more off-the-wall variety. Let me give you an example. Today I was in the break room getting a glass of water when a male co-worker (somewhat older, married with 3 kids) asked "How is everything in the bathroom department?" EXCUSE ME? I look at him like a deer in headlights, trying to come up with an appropriate response. He sees that I'm struggling for an answer and goes on to say "you know, are you going to the bathroom every 5 minutes?". (Ok - So I really didn't just dream that he asked about my bathroom habits) I finally give him a strange look and replied "just fine". By this point, he can see that I am annoyed and is trying to save face by CONTINUING the conversation and going on about how his wife would have to go all the time, blah blah blah.

My question, WHO ASKS THAT? Will it make you feel complete in your heart knowing that I go to that bathroom 500 times a day? Should I hang a tally sheet on the wall for everyone to see? Would like specifics on every trip?

Do you really need to know?

Goodbye pants... Goodbye shirts...

Well folks - today is a sad day. I am officially HUGE and have outgrown my favorite maternity jeans and a couple shirts. I knew this day would come... but it still sucks. These were the cute jeans that didn't look like maternity jeans - real waist and all! But now, they pinch my waist too much and are banished to the bottom of the drawer. So sad. And last week, I had to come to terms with the fact that I ain't getting any smaller and I went out and bought 3 new shirts in the next size up. How depresing it is to buy clothes to "grow into" when you are an adult. I mean, that's how you shop when you're a child!

HOWEVER (I like howevers), we have hit the 30 week mark and are coming down the home stretch (literally)! Other than the wicked insomnia and almost constant backache, I can't complain too much. I am healthy and baby is healthy. Things are starting to come together too... we have the crib & bedding and almost everything we need to set-up the nursery. Still need a few key items but we have a few more weeks before we really need to pull it all together.

We met with our doula again last weekend and have started planning for labor. I'm still calm as a clam and am so happy that she will be there to assist Chris and I. I wonder how long my "no fear" attitude will really last. We'll see.... :)

I really am EXTRA healthy!

I have been waiting on pins & needles to get the results back from the blood work I had done to test for gestational diabetes a couple of weeks ago... I FINALLY got them this weekend and I PASSED!!! YAY!!!

It's not that I was worried about having GD as much as the thought of having to do more blood work and fasting, and all the fun stuff they make you do if you don't pass the 1 hour test. They want your blood sugar to come in under 140 and mine was 87. So, I am just extra healthy!

Tomorrow we are going to "tour" the hospital. Oh what fun that will be. We will see the birthing rooms and learn about hospital policy, blah blah blah. I guess it will be nice to know where we are supposed to go when the time comes... But, I keep having the same vision everytime I think about the big day which makes me think we will never make it to the hospital. I have decided to labor at home as long as possible and I always picture it going really fast because I am so relaxed. But then, we realize that we don't have any time to drive to the hospital and end up calling the paramedics to deliver the baby at home and then take us both to the hospital. You'd think this would freak me out. Nope. Sounds good to me!

It takes a lot to rattle this girl.

Holy Belly Growth Batman!

It's time to update with my newest belly picture - 29 weeks. We're almost on the home stretch! Last week, I got 3 comments from 3 different people that I looked a lot bigger (gee thanks). And well, after seeing week 27 compared to 29, I have to agree. Holy Cow.

27 weeks & 29 weeks



And I'm supposed to continue this for 11 more weeks?

Ok - joke's over. This isn't funny anymore.

Memoirs of two sisters

Happy Friday! So far, I’ve taken 3 calls, had a piece of Brioche (fancy name for bread) that a co-worker brought in, and have visited the loo twice. Throughout this oh-so hectic Friday morning, my younger sister and I have been carrying on a mindless, yet hilarious, conversation via email. We have discussed beds, jokes, nicknames, the silliness of describing everyday items as “fun” (ie: “that’s a fun shirt you’re wearing today”), and of course, the baby.

There have been moments of “uproarious laughter” as she describes and chuckles under the breath. Now, we tend to have a weird sense of humor… the kind that some may not find so uproariously funny. But, as sisters, we have a special way of being able to actually hear the words written by each other – making our off the wall, sarcastic comments that much funnier.

Mel: I'm wearing a really FUN sweater today
Ang: I’m sure you are. YOU are really fun
Mel: I saw a really FUN bag at Meier & Frank. I was like "wow - that bag is really FUN"
Ang: lol
Mel: My belly is lopsided right now. Little girl is all rolled up in a ball on my right side - I look deformed.
Ang: hahaha - you freak
Mel: lol - looks like a big ol hernia
Ang: maybe it IS. You know, they say that some tumors and other masses can actually grow teeth and hair - maybe yours grew another heart and you aren't actually pregnant after all
Mel: this is what you just described






Ang: then i won't call her my niece - and i will never do anywhere with her in public, unless i can put her on a leash. that is your daughter
Mel: maybe with the cute sweaters I got for Christmas, nobody will notice
Ang: hahaha =) yeah - good luck with that
Mel: eeh - maybe throw a little powder and blush on her too. then she'd be real purdy
Ang: yeah - real fun looking
Ang: (Sends joke below)

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned
laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any
exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -
make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts,
etc.
Get in the shower. Use facecloth, arm cloth,
leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage
shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint
conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub
for 10 m inutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and
jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave pits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and
towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any
exposed areas.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of
the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at
her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your m anly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your
butt.
Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your
pits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water
rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at h ow loud it sounds in the
shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and
surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs
stuc k on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain
was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor,
light and fan on.
Return to bedr oom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener
at her and make the woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.

I f there is anyone among you who did not laugh
at the truth behind this, there is something so
very wrong with you.

Have a great day! And, "woo woo"!!!

Mel: I am laughing out loud. So freakin’ funny. That was fun.
Ang: it really was - the guy part was great - and the woman part about washing your face until it's red - hilarious - because that’s really attractive
Mel: I wash mine till it bleeds. gross - soooooooooo gross
Ang: oh my god - you are SO funny... these random outbursts of uproarious laughter just won’t do
Mel: lol
Ang: wash your face til it bleeds -I need to get up and walk this off - too funny